That saturday I was drained but I still had that hope that possibly my supposed friends were planning something for my 20th mark. A simple phone call to one of them, just to see or to wonder if something came along. Nothing came out of her except awkward conversation. I was led to believe that again, they weren't going to do anything for me-just like my 18th birthday. I took a nap and woke up because I always feel like I'm wasting time when I do decide to nap. I began to read my book. Who knew that books could make someone live for so long, help them breathe so strong. Who knew how much books could make you miss someone? wait, wait I'm straining away from the topic here. I got a call from sam. "I'm going to pick you up", she sounded a bit melancholy. I asked her the reason for picking me up but she didn't answer my question. "Look beautiful", the phone receiver went dead. Being the person that I am I'm wondering endless ideas of what, who, when, is going on. No one talked to me the entire week asking me my plans for saturday, so I began to wonder who knew what was happening and who didn't. Eh, I thought. If they forgot, they forgot and it makes me one point closer to believing that I really am bigger than los angeles. she calls to pick me up and I walked to my exit. The wind was thick and warm that night. How in the hell was the air thick and warm in the middle of fucking october? no one can comprehend the weather in california. It goes from the calmest breeze to the hottest desert winds. Everyone wants to live here, but for what?. Expensive soul selling, congested racism, and smog for lungs. "We're going to a strip club in the valley", Sam said as she looked away from me. Her eyes weren't looking at me, she was taking a marlboro to her mouth and reaching for her lighter. I believe in her so much that I didn't care where she took me, as long as she took me out of there. The 10 freeway, the 405 shook her car. For a moment I felt like her jeep was flying to the destination. I began to think, my friends did forget. No one will come after all 'MY FRIENDS FORGOT! MY FRIENDS FORGOT!'. I played this broken record continuously. While this broken record played down a long hallway with nothing but doors leading to nowhere, the car swerved again. We sit in her car talking about her plans for the following week. The week I wanted to go to San Francisco because that saturday it had to be postponed because of this "party". "I want to travel," I said. "Why don't you?", she looked out the window checking to see if she was taking the right freeway. I didn't know what to say at that moment. The only answer that was coming to mind was school. I've said that answer so much that maybe it isn't even real anymore. The 405 freeway begins to look familiar again. It's not familiar because of the many times I've taken it, the loops and swerves, and hidden between two mountains. I knew the exit she was taking. I was right, they didn't forget. My surprise party was just up the street from here on out. Then again, doubt still roamed in my thoughts 'MY FRIENDS FORGOT, MY FRIENDS FORGOT' as I waltzed in that hallway.
There I was at northridge, introducing myself to people I didn't know. A room decorated with orange and black streamers. Spiderwebs, roaches, ghosts hung from the walls. I did miss some people at the party which upset me because sometimes I think they think they're my only family. In my drunken state, they gave me my cake. While they sang happy birthday my eyes came to tears because of how far we have come along. No longer was I yelling down that hallway, neither dancing. Then that line of "supposed" friends changed to a completely different poem. When I woke up, hungover in a room filled with the people I can call family, sleeping on the floor...I thought to myself. If they jump; I'll close my eyes, spread my arms, take a deep breath and jump.
So, in my bedroom in those 'ugly new houses'
I danced my legs down to the knees
at my 20 mark, I went to go see a band that was significant to me at my 15 mark. the show was a surprise from my good friend cesar because I had it set in my mind that I wasn't going to go. the show was at the orpheum. the orpheum is this really old theater in the heart of downtown los angeles. when I was a little girl my dad would take me to watch three movies while we munched on all of the cheap food they sold. I went back as an adult and all of my memories came back to me. The memory of my father covering my eyes when the sex scenes would arise, his alcoholic breath, and warm touch. 
last night I came home pooped. I went out with hector and alexis to get these really cute boots on sale. (which KILLED me the entire day today) then after I had plans with sam and emmanuel to go see into the wild but I got home a bit too late to actually go see the movie. so the next best thing besides a movie? is of course boba. I know this place that's a block away from vermont and wilshire and they have the best boba. the guys there are nice but I always feel like they're undressing you with their eyes. WHAT DONT THEY HAVE THERE?! the best part is their delicious frozen yogurt. after a good hour of that we headed on over to the pleasure chest in west hollywood and I have to admit the new toys on the market and pretty fucking incredible. I didn't know things had gone so far along, hahaha...yes I'm behind on sex. Emmanuel bought a whip with a bat on it and sam bought somethings that are rated M. there was a really cute guy working there, I should have asked him for his number....but that's something I would do. 
tomorrow is a new day and tonight I surprisingly will not be spending it with my good friends jose cuervo or jack daniels. mickeys likes to tag along sometimes but I don't think we'll be seeing each other anytime soon. 
my day started a bit dull, class was class and I couldn't wait to get the fuck out of there. I ran over to the palladium because I could finally catch a glimpse of my good friend sam. she's a huge morrissey fan so I went to go visit her in all of this hectic line thing going on. she wanted me to take pictures of the palladium before they tear it down for renovation. I have to admit, I expected the crowd to be a bit different but you can tell the difference between an actual fan and the ones that are just arriving and believe that 'suedehead' is quite possibly the greatest song that he has ever written. she asked me for a favor, to come back and save her a spot. I didn't mind really but it was the fact that I was so worried that maybe just MAYBE they were going to attack me and tell me that i'm not worthy of standing there or some other shit. eh, wasn't really interested by the time I got there. after I stood in hollywood for a good 30 minutes I bounced up out of there and headed to the beach with some of my other friends. she is going to camp out for most of the nights, I seriously want to try it. the dedication of these fans, the love for morrissey...it's just...it's beautiful. at first I thought it creepy but now I understand why people are the way that they are. 