VII

That saturday I was drained but I still had that hope that possibly my supposed friends were planning something for my 20th mark. A simple phone call to one of them, just to see or to wonder if something came along. Nothing came out of her except awkward conversation. I was led to believe that again, they weren't going to do anything for me-just like my 18th birthday. I took a nap and woke up because I always feel like I'm wasting time when I do decide to nap. I began to read my book. Who knew that books could make someone live for so long, help them breathe so strong. Who knew how much books could make you miss someone? wait, wait I'm straining away from the topic here. I got a call from sam. "I'm going to pick you up", she sounded a bit melancholy. I asked her the reason for picking me up but she didn't answer my question. "Look beautiful", the phone receiver went dead. Being the person that I am I'm wondering endless ideas of what, who, when, is going on. No one talked to me the entire week asking me my plans for saturday, so I began to wonder who knew what was happening and who didn't. Eh, I thought. If they forgot, they forgot and it makes me one point closer to believing that I really am bigger than los angeles. she calls to pick me up and I walked to my exit. The wind was thick and warm that night. How in the hell was the air thick and warm in the middle of fucking october? no one can comprehend the weather in california. It goes from the calmest breeze to the hottest desert winds. Everyone wants to live here, but for what?. Expensive soul selling, congested racism, and smog for lungs. "We're going to a strip club in the valley", Sam said as she looked away from me. Her eyes weren't looking at me, she was taking a marlboro to her mouth and reaching for her lighter. I believe in her so much that I didn't care where she took me, as long as she took me out of there. The 10 freeway, the 405 shook her car. For a moment I felt like her jeep was flying to the destination.
I began to think, my friends did forget. No one will come after all 'MY FRIENDS FORGOT! MY FRIENDS FORGOT!'. I played this broken record continuously. While this broken record played down a long hallway with nothing but doors leading to nowhere, the car swerved again. We sit in her car talking about her plans for the following week. The week I wanted to go to San Francisco because that saturday it had to be postponed because of this "party". "I want to travel," I said. "Why don't you?", she looked out the window checking to see if she was taking the right freeway. I didn't know what to say at that moment. The only answer that was coming to mind was school. I've said that answer so much that maybe it isn't even real anymore. The 405 freeway begins to look familiar again. It's not familiar because of the many times I've taken it, the loops and swerves, and hidden between two mountains. I knew the exit she was taking. I was right, they didn't forget. My surprise party was just up the street from here on out. Then again, doubt still roamed in my thoughts 'MY FRIENDS FORGOT, MY FRIENDS FORGOT' as I waltzed in that hallway.
There I was at northridge, introducing myself to people I didn't know. A room decorated with orange and black streamers. Spiderwebs, roaches, ghosts hung from the walls. I did miss some people at the party which upset me because sometimes I think they think they're my only family. In my drunken state, they gave me my cake. While they sang happy birthday my eyes came to tears because of how far we have come along. No longer was I yelling down that hallway, neither dancing. Then that line of "supposed" friends changed to a completely different poem. When I woke up, hungover in a room filled with the people I can call family, sleeping on the floor...I thought to myself. If they jump; I'll close my eyes, spread my arms, take a deep breath and jump.

So, in my bedroom in those 'ugly new houses'
I danced my legs down to the knees